I got a Basketball Jones, oh baby, oo-oo-oo

Greetings, Ectomorph Refuses Intravenous Creatinine---


Here is your horoscope for Friday, March 19, 2010 (Happy birthday to absolutely no one, as far as We know. And Happy March Madness to absolutely everyone. Hence today’s March Madness pixture, which is subtitled “My, what big feet you have, and yet such a tiny package”. March Madness, indeed. Two days without soap operas, and no Suhvivah. It’s a good thing the weather is glorious. As Our ex-non-son-in-law IceyPop was heard to ejaculate (heh) on SitOnMyFaceBook yesterday, “It’s so nice out, I have almost ZERO desire to set fire to a homeless person.”)


(“Ejaculate”, in case you have been skimming, is Our new favorite word. We think it’s high time “ejaculate” made a comeback.)


(We’re pretty sure We just tickled Ourself.)


(Meanwhile from the Eric’s Daily Horoscope Random Thought Of The Day Department, We are thinking that, if you are on a WorldWideInterWebNetzian dating site, and your user name is “FlamingPoniesOfMadness”, perhaps getting a date might not need to be your tip-top priority.)


(And from the Early-Onset Alzheimers Department, can We still say We “did” a load of laundry yesterday if We totally forgot to put any detergent in it?)


(Our Our-O-Scope.)


A tendency to overestimate your own abilities is a side effect of the tremendous amount of physical energy you've been temporarily endowed with. (“Temporarily endowed” is, of course, what happens when Poster Boy for March Madness up there realizes he has an eeny-weeny teeny peenie and stuffs his gym socks down his hot pants. (We Our Own Selves Personally can’t remember that far back, but apparently they used to play this “basketball” nonsense in hot pants. Dunno ‘bout you, but such attire would certainly perk up Our interest in bracketology.))


Promising more than you're sure you can deliver is the worst of it. (We do not “deliver”. Chinamen on bicycles “deliver”. Jeebus. Don’t make Us go set fire to a homeless person.)


The best of it is your willingness to die trying. (First of all, have We met? And twoth, in what universe would that be considered a positive attribute?)


If you're at all irritated with a dear one, (Us? Irritated? However would THAT happen?)


this would be a positively terrific time for a night off. (Cool. Maybe the guys’ll come over, and We can shoot some hoops.)


(“Who SAID that?” he ejaculated.)


Believe it or not, you really aren't ten feet tall and bulletproof. (We are, however, ten feet wide and bullshitfilled.)


(We just thought We’d ejaculate that before you did. Ejaculate it, that is. (Didja hear about the guy who got to the Premature Ejaculators Anonymous meeting and found the door locked? He came too soon.))


(You knew We were gonna tell that joke sooner or later, didn’t’cha?)


However, you are extremely powerful right now, (Mmm-hmm. We had Mexican for dinner last night.)


both physically and mentally. (To say nothing of gastrointestinally. (When We say “We had Mexican”, We mean, of course, that We had Mexican FOOD, not that We had A Mexican. (“Ai-Yi-Yi-Yi, I’d rather get laid than be eaten…” (Whatever happened to the Frito™ Bandito?))))


(We just Googled the Frito™ Bandito on Wikipedia. We didn’t learn anything particularly interesting, although he was referred to as a “spokestoon”, which is a neologism (heh…he ejaculated “gism”) We had not known before.)


Although you're absolutely sure you can be all things to all clients, (Wait…We have clients? What are We, The Happy H00ker? (Speaking of WhateverHappenedTos, whatever happened to her? (We just Googled Xaviera Hollander. Apparently nothing whatsoever has happened to her. (On the other hand, who knew that We had been wasting a perfectly good brain cell remembering her name all this time?))))


you're really only human. (Actually, We are not human. But We play one on TV.)


Let the dice fall where they will. (Isn’t the expression “Let the CHIPS fall where they MAY”? (Or, in this case, “Let the FRITOS ejaculate “Bean dip!”))


(Thank you all for coming. (Heh.) Don’t forget to tip your waitress.)


(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:


http://www.humorscope.com


"Muncha buncha, muncha buncha, muncha buncha, muncha buncha, Cowgrass goes with lunch")