Greetings, Ectoplasm Reaches Invisible Chamberpot---(Every so often, We like to just throw out a greeting that makes all y’all go “Hmmm…”. Today’s, for example, We could easily imagine as a line in some supernatural Victorian bodiceripper. Or from an old Dark Shadows episode. (And no, Micro$oft Weird™, no matter how much you b1tch, moan, and complain, We are not going to stop slapping together compound nouns of Our Own choosing. If a bodiceripper is a single entity, then it can be a single word. Much like the “bedsheet” and “nailfile” from The Ides Of March entry (which see: http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2010/03/buy-me-some-p3nis-and-crackerjack.html ). So nanny-nanny-poo-poo, Micro$oft Weird™. (We went off on this little tirade because of “bodiceripper”, but We just noticed that Micro$oft Weird™ also did not accept “chamberpot”. The h3ll?)))
Here is your horoscope for Thursday, March 18, 2010 (We would like to wish A Very Happy Birthday to Scott, who is turning twenty-four today. We would like to, that is, except We suspect he no longer follows the bouncing ballz here at Eric’s Daily Horoscope. Something about Our feng shui not aligning with his chakras. (We’re not exactly sure what that means, but We suspect it’s his polite way of pointing out that Our drapes don’t match Our carpet. (Parenthetically (hence the parentheses), it may interest some of you to note that Micro$oft Weird™ acknowledges “chakras”, but neither “feng” nor “shui”. Or it may not.)) At any rate, We shall attempt to lure Scott Back To Bloggonia today, with an Eric’s Daily Horoscope Pixture Of The Day that reminded Us of him. (As did the site where We found it, but that’s neither here nor Cher.) We should also like to point out that, when We found said pixture, its glitter was actually animated; this is, of course, another reason why it reminded Us of him. How often We have heard someone say, “I saw Scott last night. His glitter was actually animated.” So Happy Birthday, Scott.):
(Our Our-O-Scope.)
Gracious (She ejaculated, clutching her pearls.)
-- talk about riding high! (We are pretty sure that the SPCA and/or PETA would tell you that it’s only okay to ride high if you give the horse a coupla hits as well.)
You'll be absolutely on top of the world. (Oh, sure, today. Then tomorrow, it’s the world’s turn.)
(Apparently the Hilarity Du Jour is of the dry, understated variety. Try to keep up.)
Just be sure it's not tension that gets you there. (Attention? Apprehension? Bone of contention? We got nothin’.)
If you do happen to feel a bit edgy, hire a chaperone (Get on da telephone and hire you a chaperone to play you some saxophone and feed you a ice cream cone…(You are viZZZualizing Us as a rap star now, aren’t you? We are wearing a baseball cap sideways, and there are diamonds in Our teef, and We smell like Axe™. Our pants are sagging practically to Our knees, and as We turn around, Our giant @ssz eclipses the sun and ruins the entire illusion. The End.))
to ply you with hot chocolate and rub your feet. (Mmm-hmm. All We know is, if We payin’ dis person moneyz, dey bes’ be rubbin’ sumpin besides Our feets, if you know what We sayin’. And We fink you does.)
Your thoughts are directly connected to your heart now. (Well, thank CHR1ST! It’s about time We got that pesky brain out of the mix.)
Make sure there's Kleenex handy (Okay, you? Are a dirty, dirty birdie.)
before you even think about sitting down for that much-needed 'state of the relationship' meeting. (Will there be doughnuts? Because mmmmm….doughnuts.)
That feeling of rightness isn't just a fluke. (It’s a full-fledged tapeworm.)
It's the universe's way of letting you know that all is going as it should. Convey that feeling to the authorities. (Now, see, Kelli, this is why We lose Our more-evolved readers like Scott who operate on a higher plane. The Universe tells Us everything is going as it should, and you tell Us to call the cops. What the h3ll is that about, @sshat?)
(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:
http://www.humorscope.com
Miss Cowgrass has been authorized to issue you a Special Tarot Reading! It is vital that you call immediately! )
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