Greetings, Extrovert Redirects Interminable Conversation---Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, March 24, 2010 (Happy Hump Day to Juan and Dahl. So, wow, were the Internetz way more stupid than usual yesterday, or what? We certainly aren’t going to address anything as weighty as Health Care Reform in this particular forum, but day-um. How do you spell “sore losers”? Meanwhile, one of the (many) pieces of good news yesterday of which you may not have heard: celebrity cr@ckhead Rush Limbaugh vowed that, if Health Care Reform passed, he would move his cr@ck-addled @ss to Costa Rica. Buh-BYE, @ssmunch; don’t let the screen door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya.):
(On a more personal note (LAAA!), We have Ourselves a JAWB tomorrow morning at the cr@ck of @ss. (Fortunately, not at the cr@ck of Rush Limbaugh’s @ssz, because (1.) eeeuuuuwww and (B.) how would One distinguish it from his mouth?) So Eric’s Daily Horoscope will occur later in the day if it occurs at all. Meanwhile, We sat down immediately prior to starting today’s horoscope to highlight Our lines for said jawb (it’s an acting jawb, in case you hadn’t figgered) so We could gauge how much time would be needed to learn said lines. Turns out, We practically knew ‘em by the time they were all pink. (We use a pink highlighter. Presumably, this comes as no surprise to you.) Also, We are apparently being paid at the rate of approximately four dollars per line. Why, if We can just find someone to pay Us a consistent four dollars for Our Every Utterance, We shall be able to afford as much cr@ck as Rush Limbaugh.)
(Hmmm. If someone will pay Us four dollars for every line, We may take a jawb reading Eric’s Daily Horoscope to the blind. (Is that the jumping-off place for a Charles Dickens novel, or what? And that hack got paid by the word. (Surely you didn’t think We would mention the blind without bringing up America’s Blind Sweetheart, Helen Keller, did you? Somebody call the WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHmbulance!)))
(Our Our-O-Scope.)
You're usually the one who gets things started, (The Addams Family started when Uncle Fester f@rted and now they’re all retarded like ex-Alaskan governors. (Apparently, We are feeling both silly and political this morning. Try to keep up.))
and today is no exception. (It is, in fact, the Immaculate Exception. That’s when you p00p but you don’t get any on ya.)
See if you can rally the troops (Can We rally the troops? What kinda @sshole question izzat? This face seats five, Bay-Bee! Where’s them boyz from that “d1ck” pixture earlier in the week?)
at home so you can all move forward together in the near future. (“So you can all move forward together in the near future”? O RLY? Be a little vaguer, whydon’t’cha, Kelli?)
Things should get better fast! (Things should do a lot of things. They usually don’t, though.)
(It is, in fact, the Immaculate Exception. That’s when you p00p but you don’t get any on ya. (We just happened to glance up and re-read that joke. We felt it bore repeating.))
You’ve just about had it (Ain’t DAT de troof?)
with that certain individual who’s had it in for you. (Oh…We thought you meant in general.)
You’re perfectly prepared to handle this, face to face, with the authority figures. (However, We are much more interested in handling things face to face with the authority figure skaters. Because ooooohhh….sparkly Spandex™!)
The problem this individual may have — and may not have thought of before they started this campaign against you — is that you’ve been following all the rules, and they haven’t. (Yes. Yes, indeed, We have been following all the rules. And look how far that’s gotten Us.)
Should you take mercy on them? (Let’S take an Immaculate Exception on them and see how they like it.)
It depends on the quality of their groveling. (Actually, no. No, it so doesn’t.)
It’s important to get a clear picture of what actually is before you can manifest what you want. (How ‘bout We “manifest” Us cutting off your head and Immaculately Exceptioning down your neck?)
That means you have to face yourself and the history of your love life honestly — no skipping over the unpleasant parts. (We have no idea what Kelli is blathering about, but that sentence scans a lot better if you change the end to “no skimming over the underpants”. Just sayin’.)
(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:
http://www.humorscope.com
nothing gets between me and my cowgrass…)
Jawbs are hard.
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