Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for Thursday, December 20, 2012. Happy Apocalypse Eve everyone! As promised, today’s Very Special E-Pissode of Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope!, which contains an early Winter Solstice Apocalypse HannaChristmaKwaanzakkah present Just For You. To wit, Our Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscope: Capricorn video, which you see above, two whole days before the beginning of Capricorn. Since Capricorn won’t be, ya know, beginning this year. What with the world having ended and all.
Here is the link with which you may share it with your friends in your last remaining hours:
And We could not let your world end without checking in with Helen Keller on Twitter:
About to clean the whole house. Hopefully the vacuum cleaner is actually plugged in this time.
Next year I'm trying out for American Idol. I'm gonna play the piano with one hand and sing with the other.
Got a DUI the other day. The officer thought I was smashed because I couldn't say the alphabet or walk a straight line.
Keep calm and carry Off™.
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.