Hello, Ducks!
Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your
Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! for Thursday,
December 27, 2012. We are
keeping it brief, as We have already missed the “daily” part of “Holidaily™”,
not to mention (no, really…DON’T mention it) the “tyne” part of Tyne Daly. This is, apparently, that day in the middle
of the ever-so-festive holiday season when We are meant to apologize for the
inconvenience of Our continued existence on the planet, which is a burden to so
many of Our fellow planetary inhabitants.
So, yeah, We’re really sorry and shit.
Catch Us in 2013. Bitches.
Check out Our new Time of the Month Horoscope: CAPRICORN video above.
And, in the holiday spirit of giving, use this link to share it with
your friends: http://youtu.be/m3Aa_X_HoVM
Helen Keller has the day off to read her Christmas tree.
It being Jesus’s birthday, here We are doing Our part to
keep the JesusChrist in JesusChristmas.
Herewith Jesus on Dating on Demand, which recently
went over 5000 hits:
(You’re Your-O-Scopes:
http://www.humorscope.com)
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but
better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For real live actual
ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek
here: http://agskylab.blogspot.com/. Our Own
epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by
comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own
lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets,
planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam,
jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
*****************************************************************************
Starzina
Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not
really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician
and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her
humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show
and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this
unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course,
an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera
Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her
doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality.
There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has
Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on
the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian
helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her
daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she
enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the
coxswain of the Penn rowing team.
It's all about eve...
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