Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! for Thursday, December 27, 2012. We are keeping it brief, as We have already missed the “daily” part of “Holidaily™”, not to mention (no, really…DON’T mention it) the “tyne” part of Tyne Daly. This is, apparently, that day in the middle of the ever-so-festive holiday season when We are meant to apologize for the inconvenience of Our continued existence on the planet, which is a burden to so many of Our fellow planetary inhabitants. So, yeah, We’re really sorry and shit. Catch Us in 2013. Bitches.
Check out Our new Time of the Month Horoscope: CAPRICORN video above. And, in the holiday spirit of giving, use this link to share it with your friends: http://youtu.be/m3Aa_X_HoVM
Helen Keller has the day off to read her Christmas tree.
It being Jesus’s birthday, here We are doing Our part to keep the JesusChrist in JesusChristmas. Herewith Jesus on Dating on Demand, which recently went over 5000 hits:
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.